


Its you and me, kiddo

by yourejustsorestless



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Olympics RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Domestic Fluff, Eating Disorders, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Ice Skating, Romance, Teen Angst, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-10-26 04:56:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17739425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourejustsorestless/pseuds/yourejustsorestless
Summary: Tessa and Scott don't remember a life without each other. They've moved from from Canada to Canton together at 14 and 16. How does their relationship change and grow throughout these years? Pre 2010 Olympic season. Spoiler: Scott fucks up. Too much fluff & angst.Tessa couldn’t move. She felt her heart race in her chest and tasted the blood in her mouth as she bit through her bottom lip. There’s no way that he would say that, it was just classic Olivia messing with her. This was Scott she was talking about. The boy who’s sweatshirts smelled of cold mornings in foreign cities, who knew exactly how she liked her hot chocolate made when she was sick—with three drops of vanilla, a teaspoon of salt, and a pinch of cinnamon.





	1. I won't let go of you

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics from this chapter is from Latch (they skated to this in 2017). A little context: Tessa is 14 and going into grade 10 (she skipped a grade) and Scotts going to grade 11.
> 
> Comments make my day <3

**September, 2004**

_You lift my heart up_  
_When the rest of me is down_  
_You, you enchant me, even when you’re not around_  
_If there are boundaries, I will try to knock them down._

“Are you nervous?” Scott asked, as he watched Tessa bite her lower lip and furiously pick at her nails. It was something she did right before they went on the ice in a big competition, or afterwards sitting in the Kiss and Cry.

“No, I’m fine,” she replied tersely, avoiding eye contact.

They were in the farthest back seats of Tessa’s mom Kate’s minivan, with her driving, Scotts mother in shotgun, and Danny and Jordan claiming the middle two rows. Kate and Alma were chatting away sipping their teas and coffees, respectively, about their kids new schooling arrangements in Canton. Danny was telling Jordan about his hockey team and how he was the youngest captain at the University of Ilderton that the school has seen in years. Jordan listened intently, even though she only occasionally watched highlights of Stanley Cup games or during the finals at the Olympics. But Scott knew that she has a little bit of a crush on Scotts older brother. He pried it out of Tessa a few weeks back when she was acting oddly around Danny and Jordan. The two sisters were joined at the hip, and Scott had felt immensely proud at the fact that she had exposed her older sister and idols secret.

“You’re excited to stay with Holly and Mike though, right? They seem nice enough,” Scott said as he took a family-sized Aero bar from his backpack and tossed it at her.

She smiled at him, peeling open the chocolate bar quietly and keeping an eye on Kate. Her mother would never let her have a chocolate bar that large, but Scott knew it would be the best way to calm her nerves.

“Yeah they seem pretty nice, but we’ve only ever had one dinner with them while they were in London for a weekend. I never even met their daughter and apparently she’s also a skater.”

“That’ll be fun, you guys can talk about girl stuff and she can introduce you to all her friends at the rink,” Scott replied, taking a chunk of chocolate from Tessa. She eyed him carefully as he pulled the piece away, and he poked her playfully in the stomach.

“I don’t think she skates at Royal with Marina, Scott.” She shifted her body so that she was leaning against the side of the car and had her feet propped up on Scotts lap.

“So you know you’re better than her,” he said with a wink. Tessa made a face and kicked him with her feet. “Hey! You know you’re better than most skaters already, anyways. Stop worrying, kiddo, you’ll be fine.”

“Easy for you to say, people love you. You’ll probably make friends with all the skaters and the hockey guys by the first week.”

“Yeah, like I’ll have time to be friends with the skaters and hockey guys. You know I’ll be spending my days at the rink with you,” He said while trying to grab another chunk of chocolate.

Tessa sighed and looked over to Danny and Jordan, trying to hide her incoming blush. For the remaining of the car ride they talked more about their move from Ontario down to Ohio, playing silly car games with Danny and Jordan, and making up personalities for the kids they’ll be living with. Five hours later, they arrived at a big house with huge mahogany double doors and columns that ran down either side, propping up a Spanish-style roof.

The four adults stepped out of the car first and immediately began unloading their six suitcases. Tessa had her eyes trained on the house, curling her lower lip and picking at her cuticles again.

“Hey,” Scott said, trying to get her attention. “I’ll be staying with you the first three days, don’t worry. They’ll be nice. And you know it’s worth it to get the training from Marina. We’re being trained by Marina Zoueva at her private rink in Ohio! That’s a huge step up from the community centre at 4am with Suzanne.”

She looked over at his reassuring smile, brown hair messily strewn in front of his eyes. He reached his hand out for her to take, and led her out of the minivan. By now he thought they’d be desensitized to each others touch, having spent so much time on the ice with each other. But it seems that whenever they were off the ice and he grabbed her hand, or reached an arm out to give her a hug, or grabbed her waist reassuringly he would feel… something.

Holly and Mike stepped out of the house to greet them, helping to bring their suitcases in. Holly was a kind looking middle-aged woman, with brown hair not unlike Tessa’s that fell to her shoulders. Mike was the definition of a ‘beer-dad,’ sporting a gut that came from years of burgers, fries, and a few beers with the guys every weekend. Behind them came a girl who wore a black crop top exposing too much of her belly and ripped blue shorts. She was about Tessa’s height, but that’s where the resemblance stopped. Her figure was impossibly thin and tall with her icy blonde hair in a messy French braid, and she wore a smug grin paired with crossed arms.

Scott felt Tessa’s body clench up beside him, and he gave her hand a squeeze. After chatting with Kate and Alma, Holly and Mike approached them and gestured for the girl to follow (who did, albeit reluctantly).

“Scott! I’ve heard so much about you,” Holly said, reaching her hand out. He shook it and reciprocated to Mike’s fist bump as Tessa was forced to let go of his other hand to hug Holly. He immediately reached for it again, closing the gap between them. The girl walked up towards them, and stood by her father with a hand on her hip.

“I’m Olivia,” she said with a fake smile plastered across her face. “It’s nice to meet you guys.”

“You guys are going to have so much fun together!” Holly said clapping her hands together. From behind them, Scott caught a glance at Danny, standing by the doorway and carefully watching their interaction. “Why don’t we let them say goodbye and then we’ll take you kids out to dinner.” The three of them left to go back into the house quickly saying goodbye to the Virtue/Moir clan as they approached Tessa and Scott, neither of whom have left their spot near the car.

Alma and Kate both had tears in their eyes as they scooped their kids up in a big hug. He knew Tessa was fighting back tears as she hugged Jordan and Kate. They all turned their attention towards her, assuring her everything would be okay. He caught Danny’s eye and he nodded off to the side for him to follow.

“You’re gonna miss me, aren’t you,” He said to his older brother with a smirk.

“Not a chance Scotty,” Danny scoffed. “But look, I need to talk to you about Tessa.”

Scott groaned lightly. “What about Te—“

“Just listen. You’re sixteen, and all sixteen year old boys want to do is dick around with girls and screw them over. I know because I once was sixteen,” Danny said, surprising Scott with a serious tone of voice in his usually goofy brother. “But not with Tessa, okay? She’s growing up and she’s not gonna be little Tutu anymore and you gotta make sure she’s okay. And if you ever lay a finger on her when you’re not on the ice or hurt her in any way Charlie and I will personally drive down from Ilderton and kick your ass. Tessa comes first. Always.”

Scott laughed uncomfortably, trying to lighten the mood at the thought of both his older brothers driving down in rage. “Hey you know I won’t drop her.”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

He paused, and looked back at Tessa, being swarmed in a huge hug by Alma. He knew that her mom had always wanted a daughter, and that she loved Tessa the same way she loved her boys.

“Yeah, yeah I get it.”

“Okay,” Danny said with a sigh. “I can’t believe Charlie had some exam so he made me give you the lecture.”

“You guys planned this?”

“Yes, Scotty of course we did,” He said with a smirk. “You know we love T more than we love you.”

“Yeah whatever, bro,” Scott said punching Danny’s shoulder. “You’re gonna miss me man.”

Danny scoffed, but pulled his little brother into him for a hug before running over to Tessa. He lifted her up and twirled her around in the air before giving her a big hug, and Scott suddenly felt a pang of jealousy for how Danny was allowed to pick her up and make her giggle senseless and not him.

 _I feel we’re close enough_  
_I wanna lock in your love_  
_I think we’re close enough_  
_Could I lock in your love, baby?_

 

**_*       *       *_ **

_Now I got you in my space_  
_I won’t let go of you_  
_Got you shakes in my embrace_  
_I’m latching on to you._

After a somewhat awkward dinner with the Hudson family, they finally settled back at what Tessa would call home for the next few years. Mike helped to bring the remainder of their suitcases to Olivia’s room and the guest room before reminding Scott that he was to stay in his room during his stay here. God, did everyone think that he was some sort of uncontrolled horny teenager?

He tried to ignore Olivia as she kept touching his arm while bidding him goodnight, and instead smiled at Tessa’s gorgeous green eyes before heading off to his own room. He tossed around in his bed for a few minutes before finally deciding to rip off his Maple Leafs t-shirt and throwing it across the room. He would need to get used to the heat and humidity in Ohio. He finally drifted off to sleep before hearing the door creak open. He saw Tessa’s silhouette come in and gently shut the door before standing in front of the bed, trying to see if he was awake or not. She wore an oversized ‘I love Ontario’ t-shirt and grey shorts.

“T, what are you doing here?” He said, rubbing his eyes and reaching his arms up to stretch.

“I couldn’t sl—God Scott are you naked?!” She said trying to avert her eyes.

“No! I got hot so I just took my shirt off,” he said, gesturing to the shirt left aimlessly at the foot of the bed.  
She grabbed it and threw it to him and also grabbed his jeans and hoodie and folded them neatly on the chair. She let him put his shirt back on before climbing into bed with him. Fuck, Scott thought. He hoped Danny and Charlie weren’t secretly watching from the window or anything. She stayed half a metre away and laid on the extra pillow, brown hair cascading around her body. He saw a few tears in her eyes as she looked upwards, trying to conceal them.

“I miss them already,” she said.

“I know T, but it’ll be worth it, right?”

“More than worth it. I can’t wait to get on the ice tomorrow morning and meet with Marina and Igor. I just don’t want to deal with everything else,” she replied. “And also, don’t forget to bring your extra laces tomorrow and extra skate guards so you can keep them in your locker. And please wear something nice we don’t want their first impressions of us to be bad.”

He laughed at her organization. “Stop worrying,” he said, tapping her noes and scooting a little closer. “You know you’ll be fine. And school doesn’t start for four days and I’ll be right there with you.”

“You’re going to be with the eleventh graders, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to see you at school.”

“Well we can’t all be super geniuses like you, T. Remember I’m in your level math and english? We’ll probably be in the same class then.”

“See thats another thing. What if people find out that I skipped eight grade? I never got to go to the Senior school invitational dance and got the corsage and pretty dress or anything.”“You see, I don’t think they have that here. They start high school at ninth grade and call themselves freshmen.”

“Right,” she sighed as he stroked her hair.

“But it’s still you and me against the world Tutu,” He said smiling at her. They stayed like that for a few more minutes, before she sat up and got out of his bed.

“I should probably go now, I don’t want Olivia finding out I came here she’d probably bite my head off.”

“Ha! You could talk and dance circles around her.”  
“You know that she, like, kinda really likes you right,” She said crossing her arms at his oblivion. “Did you see how she kept ignoring whatever I was saying and just asking you questions? ‘Omg Scott! I didn’t know you liked hockey! What’s your team?’”

“You know it was pretty insulting when I said Maple Leafs and she responded with ‘isn’t that Canada’s national team?’”

She giggled as he got out of bed to wrap her in a hug before she tip toed away. He climbed back in his bed and threw his shirt across the room, biting his lip to ignore what was going on down there. He slept comfortably the rest of the night before waking up to his alarm at 6:30, and taking a brisk shower and getting dressed.

_I’m latching on to you  
I won’t let go of you._


	2. You don't mean nothing at all to me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa starts to adapt more to school and life away from her friends and family. Scott's and overprotective puppy. AU with Chiddy/Kaetlyn/more friends! Lyrics in this chapter from Nelly Furtado's Say it Right (they skated to this during Stars on Ice).

**October, 2005**

 

_In the day_

_In the night_

_Say it right_

_Say it all_

 

Tessa walked down the hall carrying an arm full of notebooks and textbooks. She was on her way to meet Kaetlyn for lunch at their usual spot when she was stopped by Patrick. He had short black hair and a thin but strong build. A generally nice boy in the grade above hers, and they shared AP French and AP European History together and always laughed together at Madame Celine’s terrible American accent when speaking French, and they were in the same AP Euro study group.

 

“Hey Tessa!” He said, stopping her. “What are you doing in three Saturdays?”

 

“Hey! Nothing much, why?”  
  
“Do you want to go to homecoming with me?” He asked. She was surprised at how composed he was, not an ounce of nerves in him as he asked her.

 

“Oh! That’s so sweet of you to ask, I—“ 

 

“Chiddy!” Tessa saw a blur of brown hair as Scott suddenly swooped in between them and playfully punched Patrick. “How you doing Chan-Chan man?”

 

Patrick, being the nice boy he was, politely punched Scott back. “Hey man I was kinda having a conver—“

 

“Chiddy, I got to talk to my skating partner about a skating thing. Do you mind?” He asked.

 

Tessa made an apologetic face at Patrick. “Uhh, yeah sure I guess. See you around?” He said, nodding towards Tessa.

 

“Yeah, sorry!” She called as he walked away.

  
“Scott what the hell?!” She exclaimed, slapping his arm. “He was just asking me to homecoming!”

 

He rubbed the spot where he hit her and looked downwards. She immediately regretted yelling at him. “I don’t like the guy,” he said softly.

 

“You and Patrick are friends! You guys play soccer during lunch and you’re partners in bio! Plus, he’s really nice and I don’t have a lot of friends here.”

 

“Yeah, well he’s not nice enough,” He said running his fingers through his messy hair. “And you have Kaet and I.”

 

He grabbed the heavy textbooks from her and put an arm around her waist, guiding her towards lunch. She sighed loudly out of anger, but could also feel her heart fluttering as she pressed closer towards his side. They walked to the cafeteria together and saw Kaetlyn sitting with a few other girls and waving up at Tessa, gesturing her over. 

 

“Meet you after school for practice?” He said with a smile. It was like she completely forgot to stay angry at him about the Patrick thing.

 

“You betcha, don’t forget to bring your water bottle.”

 

He handed her books back to her before jogging up to the table where all his friends (including Patrick) sat as she walked over and sat next to Kaetlyn. She declined her offer for French fries, taking out her own Marina Zoueva approved lunch of a salad and some grilled chicken.

 

“So I heard Patrick asked you to homecoming!” She exclaimed excitedly.

 

“What? How did you know? That literally just happened not ten minutes ago,” She said, pulling her hair into a ponytail.

 

“He came up to me to ask if you and Scott were a thing. Told me what happened. It was kind of rough, Tess,” She said, stuffing pieces of macaroni into her mouth. “I mean, I’m just saying. He was really nice asking you and you just blew him off!”

 

“I did not! And Scott has nothing to do with this,” she replied, eyeing adoringly at Kaet’s brown hair pulled into an elegant fishtail braid. 

 

“Okay but can you PLEASE tell me for real—Is there anything going on between you two?”

 

“Well, not yet I suppose. I mean we’re in the same study group and we joke around in French sometimes but that’s kind of it.”  


“I mean your hunky skating partner, not Patrick.”

 

Tessa sighs, going back to eating her salad. It somehow always circles back to Scott, Scott, Scott. “No, I told you we’re just friends. I’ve known him for like eight years.”

 

“Yeah, and you two have travelled together, shared hotel rooms together, won championships together, and oh yes, moved to another country together all on your own,” Tessa opened her mouth to protest. “And lets not forget that that kid touches you A LOT and have you noticed how he doesn’t let other guys get near you?”

 

“We travelled with our parents and our middle-aged Russian coaches, and he has to touch me. We’re ice dancers,” Tessa thought Kaet would understand, being a figure skater herself, but she seemed enamoured in the finer details of their relationship like everyone else.

 

“Mhmm, whatever you say girl,” she said sarcastically. Tessa picked up one of her fries and threw it at her, and the two girls laughed it off as Kaet caught it in her mouth.

 

“The Arctic Edge skaters are all having a party at Meryl’s tomorrow night, you’re coming right?” Kaetlyn asked, shoving more fries into her mouth. She’s lucky she’s a singles skater and works trainers other than Marina who are much more lenient about her diet. Not that Kaet needs to watch her weight, she’s built the same as Olivia.

 

“I don’t know, I don’t think Meryl really likes me.”

 

“Yeah obviously, because she and Charlie were the ones on top before you and Scott waltzed over. But Charlie’s definitely going meaning that Scott’s definitely going and I’m going so therefore you should go!” She said with a satisfied smile.

 

Tessa laughed, knowing that if Kaetlyn didn’t succeed in dragging her to the party, Scott was definitely going to. He’d somehow already befriended everyone at Arctic Edge, and even their biggest competitors Meryl and Charlie loved him. She looked over at him, laughing and eating with his friends. He caught her eye and winked at her, sending shivers down her spine.

 

_When your will is broken_

_When it slips from your hand_

_When there’s no time for joking_

_There’s a hole in the plan._

 

 

** * * * **

 

“Yes! I KNEW you’d come,” Scott said, beer in hand, answering the door as if its his own house.

 

Kaetlyn showed up at the Hudson residence Friday after school bearing three dresses in her hand and a large bag of make up. She let herself in the house and into her and Olivia’s shared room, throwing a cocky smile at her before entering the bathroom with Tessa and closing the door. She knew that Olivia was pissed off because she wasn’t good enough of a skater to be at Meryl’s party, and was clearly unhappy with having no Friday night plans as well. Bit by bit Kaet had convinced Tessa to try on this shade of eye shadow because it would “perfectly bring out her eyes” or two of the dresses she brought, the second of which actually did look really nice on her. It was a strappy flower print dress that showed off a bit of her cleavage and the majority of her back. Eventually she decided that since she was already conveniently dressed up by Kaetlyn (and also had the perfect jean jacket and leather ankle boots to go with the dress).

 

Scott was dressed in a faded blue Maple Leafs shirt and pulled Tessa in for a hug as she and Kaetlyn entered the house. He smelled partly of cheap bear, but mostly of his familiar scent that she inhaled almost everyday on the ice. He led them to the basement of the house, where there were already over a dozen people dancing and music blasting. Meryl was laughing and pressing up against Fedor (who was about two heads taller than her), everyone in the room looking very tipsy. It suddenly dawned on her that she was the youngest one there. It would normally be Kaet, but even she was a year older than Tessa.

 

Kaetlyn was immediately swept away by Andrew, another singles skater, who chatted excitedly with her. Scott squeezed her arm quickly before running over to Charlie and some of the other girls as they danced around. Tessa smiled as she watched Kaetlyn and Andrew laughing together, her grabbing a beer for the both of them. She made the decision to pull out her book and read on the sofa, knowing that Kaetlyn would probably need to crash at her house tonight after the party. 

 

After a while, her lighting was shadowed by a tall figure who stood in front of her. Slightly red and sweating, Fedor Zoueva stood in front of her and reached his hand out.

 

“You look great, T! Wanna dance?” He shouted over the music. Looking around her at everyone dancing, she decided to close her book and join him in a dance. Right after he pulled her up, Scott rushed over, still dancing.

 

“Hey, whats up man?” Fedor said in an annoyed tone. He was three years older than Scott and had a brutish demeanour to him, and stood at 1.85m tall, a fact that just dawned on Tessa as she looked at the two guys standing next to each other.

 

“She doesn’t like being called ’T’” He said, pulling her away to the dance floor as Nelly Furtado’s ‘Say it Right’ came on.

 

“Really, Scott?” Tessa said as he danced around her. “He just wanted to dance.”

 

“But _I’m_ your dance partner, and only _I_ get to call you T, Tutu,” He said in a whiney voice. She could tell he was drunk since thats the only time he called her Tutu.

 

“Scott you’ve been dancing around with every single girl in this room this entire night!”

 

“That’s not dancing, that’s jumping around and being silly. I only dance with you, Tess,” He said, holding her waist and swaying to the music. She put her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder to keep him from seeing her blush. She looked over and found that Fedor has already found someone else to dance with, and thanked Scott silently for dragging her away from him.

 

Before the song could end, Meryl suddenly shouted from across the room “TRUTH OR DARE BITCHES!” Everyone gathered on the floor around her as Meryl grabbed a half empty bear bottle and began to down it in one gulp.

 

“C’mon Tess,” Scott smiled and nodded towards the others while Tessa wore an annoyed frown on her face. “I’m not playing if you’re not.”  


Tessa rolled her eyes and began to walk over, dragging a bubbly Scott along with her.

 

The group played, filling the night with laughter as the music blasted behind them. Everything seemed simple so far, asking about what the ice dance duos really thought about their partners and who they would skate with if not their current partner. Finally Meryl pointed her beer bottle towards Tessa with a smirk on her face.

 

“Tessa!” She exclaimed, as she sub-consciously shifted closer towards Scott. “I dare you to spend fifteen minutes in a dark closet with Scott and then tell us what happened.”

 

Scott stiffened next to her. “Meryl, really? We’re not playing seven minutes in heaven.”

 

“Sure, that’s fine,” Tessa stood up and offered her hand to Scott, ignoring the guys’ laughs and Kaetlyn’s wide eyed stare.

 

Hesitantly, Tessa led Scott into the coat closet and closed the door. Along with the coats, they took up about eighty percent of the available space in the closet. She couldn’t see anything, but could feel Scotts chest rising up and down and smell his musky scent mixed with the beer. 

 

 

_Oh you don’t mean nothing at all to me_

_No you don’t mean nothing at all to me_

_But you got what it takes to set me free_

_Oh, you could mean everything to me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments make my day <3
> 
> Parts of this chapter was inspired by a story called Well Worth the Wait by East of Eden, make sure to GO READ THAT NOW!
> 
> By the way... it gets smutty soon.


	3. If you dare come a little closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's a short one I wrote on the plane coming back from London (England haha not Tessa's hometown). This ones a little heavier... trigger warning for eating disorders.

**October, 2005**

 

_All along it was a fever,_

_A cold sweat hot-headed believer._

 

“No, Tessa you have to bend your back more be pretty. That is not pretty,” Marina shouted across the rink to them as they came out of their final life for their compulsory dance.

Scott put her back down on the ice as Marina beckoned them over, and they skated in rhythm to each other back to the stands.

“That lift need not only Scotts strength it needs you to lift yourself up because you are in the air so long. You need to bend your back and be smaller,” she said, gesturing with her body. “Like you know Meryl be small, be pretty, you need all the points for the compulsory. Work on that. Go one last time.”

Tessa sucked in her cheeks and picked at her fingers as she turned and skated along side Scott back onto the ice. She was fighting back tears since she knew what their coach really wanted to saying to them, to her. Beside her she felt Scotts hand purposefully graze past hers as they took their starting positions. They finished skating their compulsory dance one last time, working through their challenging footwork and complicated lifts. They skated back towards Marina and she could tell that she still wasn’t completely satisfied with the last lift but nodded her head slightly in approval.

“Better. Tomorrow again at seven. I go to dinner with Igor now, you close up rink?” Scott nodded towards her as she waked away.

Before Scott could stop her, Tessa put on her skate guards and ran to the girls bathroom. A mixture of frustration and bile gathered in her stomach, and she ran towards the closest stall to dry heave in the toilet. Panting through a blur of tears, she stuck two fingers down her throat to help her puke her guts out into the toilet. She held onto the toilet seat, panting with tears falling down her cheeks and mouth dry. Slowly standing up she walked towards the sink to rinse her mouth of the foul stench of stomach bile, vision still blurred by her tears.

“Tessa.”

She heard a voice behind her and paused, water from the sink still running as her heart stopped beating. She could recognize that voice anywhere, it was the one that lost control with anger, was fiercely stubborn and protective, and comforted her at all times. Scott. It was so odd to hear him call her by her full name. Slowly she turned the faucet off and wiped her mouth dry with the back of her hand. She could feel him striding towards her before stopping about half a meter away, as if unsure who she was and how to proceed. 

“Tessa,” he said, softer this time. Closer to a whisper.

She finally mustered enough courage to look up at his hazel eyes, filled with worry.

“Three times a week after practice you make a beeline to the bathroom,” he said with his eyes trained on her as if holding on to dear life. “Is this what you’re doing?”

Tessa steadied her breath and turned towards him, standing square and tall. In one quick motion Scott stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her, letting her silently cry into his black t-shirt. She felt his strong arms, one wrapped around her shoulders and another by her waist.

“Don’t listen to Marina, you don’t need to—to look like Meryl or whatever,” He whispered by her ear. She could feel him gently stroking her hair.

That night Scott, as usual, drove her to her house. He had gotten his license just a few weeks ago and his home stays let him drive their old Corola to and from the rink and to Tessa’s house. Tonight instead of singing to cheesy songs or bickering about their programs, they sat in silence with Tessa keeping her eyes on the road in front of her. And instead of saying goodbye to her from the car Scott gave hugged her again in front of the front door.

“See you tomorrow, kiddo,” he said, kissing her forehead.

 

_Round and around and around and around we go_

_Oh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments make my day <3


	4. You doing anything to keep her by your side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott's at a lit-ass party.

**October 2006**

_ Everybody get your neck to crack around  
All you crazy people c'mon jump around _

Every muscle in Scotts body ached, and he knew he would largely regret his decisions tonight. Despite the sore contractions of his body he continued to dance along to popular songs of today that he didn’t know the lyrics of. Patrick shoved a beer into his hand, and the boys watched as a very nervous Andrew chug his drink before leaving them to try and ask Kaetlyn to dance with him. The air was crowded with the sweat and noise of high schoolers.

As the night became more and more lively, so did the pounding in Scotts head. He knew he’d regret it tomorrow but decided to give him one stress-free night away from school. But most importantly, it was away from the ice. It was odd not having Tessa on his side laughing at his corny jokes, though.

About a half an hour of dancing later, most of the party had regrouped to a massive round of beer pong or chatting on the couches. Although a very drunk Andrew still remained on the dance floor, his partner Kaetlyn now retreated back. Slipping away from his friends, he walked over to her standing behind the couch that she occupied with her friends.

“Hey Kaet!” He said, half filled cup of beer in hand.

“Scott! How’s the hunky skating partner doing,” she said smirking no doubt towards Scott in his tight black tee shirt. 

“Ha ha,” he snarked, taking a sip of beer to hide the grin forming across his face. _Did T really refer to me as her hunky skating partner?_ “Where’s Tess?”

“She was adamant about not coming, too tired or something. Which I suppose,” she said gesturing at him with her beer. “Is thanks to you.”

“Very funny,” Scott said, playfully rolling his eyes at her before being dragged away by Andrew.

“Hey duuude!” Andrew’s button up shirt was now half undone. “Olivia’s looking for you.” He pointed towards the small blonde girl standing with a few of her friends.

She had her hair in what he knew was called a half-up half-down. Thanks to Tessa, he not only knew what it was but knew how to tie one. She wore a shirt that exposed too much of her skin and red lipstick that stood out brightly against her light skin. With a drink in her hand she walked over to him, stroking his arm.

“Scott,” she purred, eyes looking him up and down. “Dance with me.” 

She grabbed his hand and led him towards the centre of the dance floor as Maneater by Nelly Furtado came on. They were in between the other dancers, and Olivia moved closer towards him, putting a hand on his chest. Scott realized she was wearing heels, and thats why she seemed taller than Tessa. Pressing more against him so that her mouth was just below his, he could swear that he caught a faint whiff of… trout.

“How are you liking Ohio?” She asked with slurred words, grabbing one of his hands and placing it on the small of her back. 

“It’s good, people are nice,” He said smiling politely and bobbing along with her.

“Am I one of those people?” She stopped dancing and leaned further into him so that if he leaned forward just a bit their lips would touch. He suddenly felt a burning sensation on his chest where her hands touched.

He saw her leaning further in and placed her mouth over his, sliding her tongue across his lower lip, easing it open. After a few seconds of kissing (and Olivia’s hands sliding across his chest) he pulled back and retracted his hand from her back. She gazed at him with a pair of confused brown eyes, raising an eyebrow. 

“Uhh,” He stammered, looking around hesitantly and biting his lip. “I gotta go find my friends.”  
  
“You should stay,” she said in a perky tone, grabbing his hand. This girl clearly was not used to being told no. _Why in the world would Tess want to be like her,_ he thought. He paused and looked at her, before finally knowing what to say.

“You smell like trout.”

Her jaw hung open and he slid his hand away from hers, turning and walking away from her.

“You know you’re too good for her, right?” She said loudly, causing him to pause. He could feel some people listening in on the conversation now. He turned back and tilted his head.

“Miss _Tessa fucking Virtue,_ ” she said enunciating each syllable of her name. He felt a stab hearing her name pronounced in such a wicked and twisted way.

He knew this was a result of no doubt the numerous drinks she’s had by now, but it still prompted a bubbling raging feeling in his stomach.

Scott finally settled on muttering a quite “don’t say her name,” before walking back to his friends. He meant ‘don’t say her name _like that_ ," but he thinks the way he said it was also fine.

Rushing back just in time for his turn at beer pong, and watched as Patrick created a perfect arch in the air that landed with a light click in the red solo cup. He aimed the table tennis ball and jumped to give it some air before also hearing it land on the cheap plastic.

“Wow that’s slick,” His friend Kyle said, punching him on the shoulder. “Do they teach you that in gymnastics or in figure skating?” His friends snickered around him.

They all knew that he was a skater, and although they lightly teased him about it he wasn’t at all phased by it.

“You know maybe I should take you guys out to the rink and you guys can try it out,” he mocked them, taking a swig of beer.

“Hey no problem,” His other friend piped up. “As long as we get to borrow your partner!”

Scott almost chocked on his beer as a chorus of agreement and laughter followed. Kyle caressed Andrew, making an awful imitation of figure skating which included a lot of touching.

“Hey,” he said sternly, getting angry at the fact that his friends are (or maybe have previously) thought of Tessa in that way. “And it really looks nothing like that.”

“Whatever man. You know that _I_ would definitely much rather be spending time twirling around with some softmore as well,” Kyle said. 

_What was the deal with the grade divisions at this school?_

Kyle proceeded to then twirl around again, causing the guys to laugh more and join in with half-ass badly imitated ballet positions.

“I only skate with her ‘cause she fucking puts out,” Scott blurted out. He immediately regretted what he said, feeling his heart sink beneath his feet. He bit the inside of his mouth so hard he tasted some blood. The guys stopped then, Kyle raising an eyebrow at him.

“Wow maybe I do need to try ice dancing,” He said before returning back to the game.

_And whats the deal with all of these arrogant jerks?_

The conversation ended there, now starting again with how the American football season was going. Scott sighed, hoping that everyone would be too drunk to remember what he’d said. But most of all, he thought about Tessa finding out. On the walk home he pictured her gorgeous green eyes staring back at him, lined with a glisten of tears and betrayal. But there was no way. Even if any of his friends were able to remember what he had said there was no way it would ever reach Tessa. No fucking way.

 

__ Maneater  
Make you buy cars make you cut cards  
Make you fall real hard in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I'm not a huge Nelly Furtado fan I literally just know those two songs because T/S skated to it lol. Scotts kind of dumb and maybe lets out some things that he shouldn't say (ahem, every single interview with him and Tessa). 
> 
> Comments make me very very very happy :) Please let me know what you think!


	5. It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's a quick chapter with a little Tessa angst. Lyrics/chapter title from Hallelujah by Leanard Cohen - T/S skated to it in the Gala at Worlds.

**November 2006**

_Well your faith was strong but you needed proof,  
_ _You saw her bathing on the roof  
_ _Her beauty and her moonlight overthrew ya_

“I don’t think we need to be here,” Tessa said in a determined and slightly annoyed voice. He knew this tone, it was the tone she used when scolding him of his disorganization or teaching him complicated math concepts. “Our partnership is fine. Great, in fact. We’re getting ready for Worlds in February, and we have fantastic programs.”

“Well the trust in a partnership could always be further increased, which is something that you two as ice dancers will definitely benefit from—especially as you guys are now moving to higher levels,” Dr. Verani said, crossing her legs on her leather couch.

“Thank you, but I really think that we’re fine. We’ve spent nine years with each other and I would trust Scott with my life,” Tessa said, shifting closer towards him on their long white couch.

Scott could feel Dr. Verani studying them intently as they sat silently for a moment, no doubt noticing how Scotts fists were clenched and eyes were conveniently averting those of the two women in the room. She looked towards him and tilted her head, wordlessly asking for his opinion. 

“I haven’t dropped her in like, a month,” Scott finally said as Tessa kicked him lightly with her boot.

“While I’m glad that you’ve both been skating quite safely, is there anything at all that may—“ She paused, searching for the right words. “Rise as a possible issue in the future?” 

“Other than the fact that Scott might not pass trig? Not really,” Tessa said.

He could feel Dr. Verani’s eyes on him again. “Scott?”

He ran a hand through his brown hair, still keeping his eyes on his feet, or the silver clock hanging by the window, or the painfully bare white wall in the room. He felt Tessa nudge him with her elbow.

“Hey I was just joking about trig,” She said after a while, and he finally lifted his head to face hers. She wore a grin so sweet it made him want to give her a big hug for believing in him so much. “I’ll help you pass finals.”

“It’s… um,” He stammered, breaking his gaze before finally working up enough courage to look her in the eyes again. God her eyes were so green. “I heard you yesterday after practice, in the bathroom.” Her grin instantly fell away and it was her turn to look downwards.

Dr. Verani leaned forward, tucking a piece of black hair behind her ears. “What happened yesterday?” She said adopting a casual tone.

Before answering he tried to look for a reaction from Tessa, but she remained still.

“She threw up.”

“I just wasn’t feeling great, that’s all.”

It may not have been clear to Dr. Verani, but Scott could read her perfectly and knew that she was lying from the way her shoulders tensed up and sat up straighter with her back. 

“And Tuesday as well?” He asked softly. It was the first time he’d confronted her about the topic since catching her the first time in the girls bathroom. “And on Sunday?”

She sighed and looked upwards, green eyes becoming glossy with a coat of tears. 

“I uh—I,” She started, unable to come up with a valid excuse.

“And I don’t think she’s been eating properly either,” he said to Dr. Verani, thinking of the past few lunches at school where she’s mindlessly picked at whatever she’s brought without consuming a single bite. He knew she’d feel betrayed by him revealing these things to Dr. Verani like this but he also knew that she was too stubborn to admit she may have a problem. She was also a master of avoidance, and whenever Scott was somewhat close to approaching the subject she would bring up something else.

“Tessa is this true?” Dr. Verani asked.

“I just don’t understand why, T,” Scott said, resting a hand on her knee. “I can see you getting dizzy when I drive you home from the rink and you’ve been getting tired more recently and—“

“Scott stop,” she interrupted, but it sounded more like a plead. “I wasn’t born like them, and I’m perfectly fine with my current arrangement it works for me.” Her voice was quivering and he thought his heart might just break form hearing the unmistakable pain as she spoke. 

“Like who?” Scott asked gently, turning more towards her.

“LIKE MERYL,” She suddenly raised her voice, a trail of tears falling down her face. “Or Kaetlyn. Or Olivia. Or anyone else at the rink I don’t look like them okay? I don’t have the tiny waist and the small, beautiful petite frame. But if I have to eat one less meal a day to do so then I don’t mind it,” Even as her voice broke she still fought to speak dominantly. She wiped all her tears in one quick motion and Scott cursed at himself for making her feel like this.

“But you don’t have to. You’re fucking gorgeous T, eat whatever you want it doesn’t matter,” Scott said softly, forgetting Dr. Verani’s presence.

“No, I can’t Scott,” She said looking away, matching his soft tone. “You don’t get it.”

For the remainder of their session Dr. Verani redirected their conversation towards balancing competitive skating with school and staying connected with their families. Tessa stayed mostly quiet throughout the two hours, and Scott cursed at himself for making her feel this way. Dr. Verani brought up being less co-dependent on each other, which prompted her to suck in a breath. He could feel the couch cushion they were sitting on uncomfortably shift, but he couldn’t really blame her for it. His heart also lurched and the thought, both not wanting to admit to their possibly unhealthy devotion towards each other and denying their dependency as anything other then loyalty. He had to admit though, for the last nine years his life had completely revolved around her.

Once their session finally ended, Dr. Verani walked the two of them out to the parking lot.

“I’d like to speak with each of you separately now, and I’ll be talking with both your parents as well as Marina to confirm that,” She said, placing a hand on Tessa’s shoulder.

Keeping her eyes on the ground beneath her she nodded and they got into his car so he could drive her home. Without her asking, he drove them straight to McDonalds first to pick up two Oreo McFlurries, finally seeing her break into a smile and return to her normal, bubbly self. She could never stay mad at him for too long.

_But baby I’ve been here before,  
_ _I’ve seen this room and I’ve walked this floor  
_ _You know, I used to live alone before I knew ya_

_And it’s not a cry that you hear at night_  
_It’s not somebody who’s seen the light  
_ _It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favourite chapter is coming up next...
> 
> Thanks everyone for the comments so far, I love hearing what you all think and it means the world to me to know someone actually enjoys this!


	6. why does my heart cry?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it... This chapter is so angsty that its worthy of being dedicated to their "el tango de roxanne" skate (2018 Olympics).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this chapter was such a good balance with the Roxanne number! I think that really worked in our favour haha
> 
> Five guesses what the next chapters dedicated song will be...

**November 2006**

_Why does my heart cry?  
Feelings I can’t fight!_

“Our twizzles look so much better,” Scott said with a smile, picking her up and twirling her before he set her down. She smiled and skated with him back to the boards, seeing Marina’s satisfied nod.

It felt amazing just to be gliding on the ice with him, feeling his presence by her side, timing their skating rhythm perfectly to each other. She felt his hand on her waist as if there wasn’t a black leotard between them, and she leaned towards him. It was easy for them to be like this on ice, no one including themselves questioned their closeness. They were just portraying characters, playing a role. More than ever they felt ready for the next competition season, their first destination being Tokyo. This time it was to a waltz that Tessa just adored, with long lines and intricate footwork and some new lifts that definitely pushed their boundaries in terms of difficulty. And touching. There was a lot of touching. 

They sat down together, untying their laces in companionable silence, still panting slightly from the days work. She noted at how he would haphazardly leave his skate laces askew while she reminded him thousands of times to tie them together nicely after taking them off to keep them clean and organized. Silently she breathed out a sigh of relief that his skates were black and not white like hers.

Driving back to her house, she let herself look at Scott’s profile—His messy brown hair, the sharp curve of his jawline, and his strong broad shoulders.

“Lets watch a movie tonight,” he said as they pulled into her driveway and stopped the car.

  
“Scott, I have so much homework,” she said as he made a pouting face. “It’s harder here than it is back home.”  
  
“So what you’ll do fine you always do, stop worrying,” he parked the car and turned the key in the ignition, knowing that she’d eventually agree to hanging out with him. “Do I hear some regret about skipping a grade?”

“No!” she slapped him playfully across his arm. “I have Kaet.”

“But let’s not forget _why_ exactly you skipped a grade,” he says teasingly as they unbuckled their seatbelts. “Remind me again, why’d you skip a grade, T?”

Tessa groaned and rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hide the grin on her face. As they walked towards the house he laced his fingers with hers.

“Was it so you could be with me at Bluevale?” He teased again, nudging her with his shoulder.

“Shut up,” she muttered as she opened the front door, knowing that he had a huge smile plastered across his face.

  
She did in fact skip eighth grade so she could enrol at Bluevale with Scott, but honestly it was more for herself—she couldn’t fathom moving away from all of her friends to a new school, not being able to give her mother a hug before leaving in the morning.

They went to the currently unoccupied living room. Olivia was locked in her room as usual, and Holly and Mike had date night on Tuesdays and wouldn’t be back home until at least nine, giving them at least two hours. Scott flopped onto their grey Chesterfield, resting his back in the corner and stretching his legs out across the couch. Tessa popped in the Casablanca CD and he draped his arm across the armrest to let Tessa settle closely by his side, head resting on his shoulder and snuggling into his side. They lay there unmoving for the first half of the movie, Tessa sneakily turning her head inwards to scratch her nose or rub her eyes, but really to catch a whiff of Scott’s sweet smell.

“Haven’t we watched Casablanca, like, three times already?” Scott asked as Ilsa confronts Rick, finally confessing her love for him.

“It’s a good movie!” Tessa replied. “And I know you secretly love it.”

“Yeah right,” Scott said, but Tessa knew that his eyes were fixed on the tv as Rick slowly softens and brings Ilsa closer to him. They’d watched the movie for the first time years ago after winning their first Canadian Championship three years ago in their parents hotel room, wanting to celebrate and feeling defeated knowing the old, black and white movie was the only thing on cable. But they ended up loving it, and rewatching it after winning silver in the Junior Grand Prix in France and winning gold in China.

Tessa sat up from the couch and stood up with a stretch.

“I’m cold,” she announced, hugging her black Lululemon jacket closer towards her.

“Do you want my sweatshirt?” Scott offered, gesturing towards his navy Ilderton hoodie. 

_Yes please,_ Tessa thought. _Every sweatshirt you own would be very nice._

“No thanks,” she said. “I’ll just run upstairs and grab one.”

Taking the stairs two at a time as not to miss too much of the movie she went to her and Olivia’s shared room. From the white dresser she pulled out her own red McGill hoodie, barely noticing Olivia’s presence.

“Tess!” She said, prompting Tessa to wince. Only Scott calls her that.

“Hey Olivia,” she said, slipping the sweatshirt on. She was lying on her duvet, computer in hand. Even though she’d been home for ages she still had a neatly drawn line of eyeliner shaping her large eyes, and hair perfectly plaited into a fishtail.

“You know, I didn’t know that you weren’t a virgin,” Olivia said in a sickeningly sweet tone.

“I—what?” She stood confused, tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ears. She was indeed a virgin, and hasn’t thought too much about it either. Most of her free time was spent on the ice with Scott or catching up on schoolwork, and frankly she had barely any desire for boyfriends or anything. But Olivia has definitely done it before.

“Yeah, I mean, isn’t that what Scott said?” Olivia asked, setting her computer down on her duvet and gracefully sliding her legs down to the ground to sit on the edge of the bed. Tessa felt heat rising up in her cheeks, furrowing her brows in confusion.

“I mean, doesn’t he skate with you because you put out?” She said, tilting her head and batting her ridiculously long eyelashes twice at her. “Or that’s what he said to his friends, anyways.”

Tessa couldn’t move. She felt her heart race in her chest and tasted the blood in her mouth as she bit through her bottom lip. There’s no way that he would say that, it was just classic Olivia messing with her. This was Scott she was talking about. The boy who’s sweatshirts smelled of cold mornings in foreign cities, who knew exactly how she liked her hot chocolate made when she was sick—with three drops of vanilla, a teaspoon of salt, and a pinch of cinnamon. But as she looked into her cocoa eyes, a small smile on her red lips as sweet as candy, she couldn’t shake the fact that Olivia really did believe in what she was saying. 

“It’s not true,” Tessa kept her composure, turning on her heel and walking out of the room. Before she left, she heard Olivia’s voice again.

“A skating pair who fucks around never makes it.”

Her heart continued to beat faster and faster as Tessa descended down the stairs. Even with the added warmth of the fleece hoodie she continued to shiver, making her way back to the living room, blinking in bewilderment. When she returned she found Scott in the same position, Rick now helping Victor Laszlo escape. He shifted to make room for her on the couch, but she instead sat on the ground leaning against the couch, hugging her knees tightly towards her chest.

As Rick and Ilsa come together Tessa knows that his iconic monologue would be coming up, sacrificing his own happiness for Ilsa. Though all she could think about was Scott and his friends, sitting around their table, talking about… She suddenly had to fight the urge to hurl feeling the bile in her stomach threaten to rise. 

In one quick movement she stood up and paused the movie before Rick could start convincing Ilsa to board the plane to safety.

“I have to go,” she said, watching the confused expression on Scotts face. “I think you should go to.”

“Tess, you okay?” He asked as she sucked in her cheeks.

“Yes,” She said sharply. “You need to go now.”

Fumbling for his keys, Scott got up and walked towards the front door with Tessa following behind, stomach already beginning to wretch. He turned towards her before he opened the mahogany door, still dazed and her sudden change in mood. Her heart lurched with her stomach at the look on his face, but still pressed forwards easing him out the door. Scott kept his eyes on hers, studying the blank expression on her face.

Gingerly he smiled at her, trying to break the tension. 

“Here’s looking at you, kid,” he quoted Rick’s farewell to Isla, the scene they would have just watched.

Tessa smiled at him before closing the door with a pounding in her ears, and raced to the bathroom.

And heaving over the toilet, Tessa thinks a bit of her heart just broke.

 

_You’re free to leave me but_  
_Just don’t deceive me!_  
_… and please believe me when I say  
_ _I love you!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I really really like Casablanca, and it seems like a movie that the two of them would really like (or at least Tessa!) as well.
> 
> A REFERENCE GUIDE TO CASABLANCA:  
> The iconic line "here's looking at you, kid" comes from the end of the story, where Rick surprises Ilsa by making her board a plane to safety and he stays in Casablanca. This is their final farewell, and the line itself is a reference to the common toast "here's to..." which is wishing good will/admiration towards an idea. "Looking at you" is how Rick is toasting the idea of looking at Ilsa, because that is something to be happy about.
> 
> I thought it was an interesting parallel since Scott is saying goodbye to Tessa (although not for forever) and I mean you all know his fluffy self.
> 
> Fun fact: This line was improvised in the movie by Humphrey Bogart!


	7. as time goes by

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently revising the next chapter, the one that comes after Tessa just found out what Scott had said about her at the party... big yikes. It's an intense one.
> 
> In the meantime, here is a (short) flashback regarding Scott's nickname for her.
> 
> Lyrics from "As Time Goes By" by Frank Sinatra (sorry, I know they've never skated to this but it just fits so well with the story).

**January 2004**

_And when two lovers woo  
_ _They still say, “I love you.”  
On that you can rely,  
_ _No matter what the future brings.  
_ _As time goes by._

Tessa was blinded by the flashing camera’s against the white of the ice, the cheering of the crowd, and the buzz of excitement that filled the air. But most of all she was distracted from the boy on the tallest podium standing next to her and holding her hand, strong and warm. When they took their photo, he made sure to be there to lift her off the podium and pull her into one more bone crushing hug. 

That night, watched the rerun of their program in Scott’s hotel room. It was perfectly innocent. They’d changed into sweat pants and their Skate Canada jackets, and were plopped on top of Scott’s bed.

“We needed to be a lot tighter there, and and sync our arms,” She said, pointing at their synchronized twizzles. “And I feel like we were late on time going into that last lift as well.” 

“Tess,” he said, causing her to pause and look up at him with a confused expression. He rolled his eyes, but was unable to contain the grin on his face. “We just won the junior Canadian Championships.”

She tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ears. “I know, but we could’ve done so much better.”

He rolled his eyes at her again, shutting the laptop and switching it out for the remote control.

“Let’s relax a bit,” he said, surfing through channels. Despite wanting to continue to make notes on what they could improve on for their Detroit competition, she also needed to cash in their well-deserved break. After flipping through Discovery, News, and National Geographic, they settled on the only program available at 10:30PM on a Thursday.

“I can’t believe they only have this stupid black and white film,” Scott huffed. “From when, the eighteen hundreds?”

“Scott it’s Casablanca,” she said. “It’s a classic historical love story piece from the 1940s! It’s really good.”

“Like you’ve seen it before.”  


“Well, no. But I know that it’s really good.”

A few minutes later his eyes were glued to the television set, watching as Ilsa Lund walked into Rick’s bar and the two listened to the man play a song called “As Time Goes By.” Tessa quietly snickered at him, seeing how he so transparently liked this movie. She knew that he was a sucker for a good romantic movie.

“Isn’t it annoying that he keeps calling her kid though?” Scott asked, and she could tell that he was trying to obscure his true feelings about the story.

“I think it’s kinda cute,” Tessa replied.  
  
“Should I call you ‘kid’ then?” He teased, knocking his shoulder into hers and making her blush.

“No! That’s not what I meant.”

Scott laughed and kissed the top of her head.

“Whatever you say, kiddo.”

Tessa bit the inside of her cheeks to keep the smile from spreading across her face, and tried hard to focus on the rest of the movie and push down the warm and bubbly feeling rising in her body. She could feel Scotts chest rise up and down with each breath, and silently thought about how lucky she was to have him in her life. A feeling of pure bliss and warmth surrounded her. That night she fell asleep with her head on his shoulder after finishing the movie, her entire body finally crashing with exhaust. 

Three years later, she still felt the same way every time he called her ‘kiddo.’ Though instead of feeling like the lovestruck Ilsa and Rick in the midst of World War II, she relished in being just Tessa and Scott.

 

_Moonlight and love songs: never out of date.  
_ _Hearts full of passion, jealousy and hate._

_It’s still the same old story.  
_ _A fight for love and glory.  
_ _The world will always welcome lovers  
_ _As time goes by._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I'm not actually this obsessed with Casablanca but it FITS SO WELL WITH THEIR STORY!!!
> 
> I'm going to be posting the next chapter probably in the next few hours, and it's already over double the length of this one haha. I'm curious, do you guys prefer a long chapter or to have the story split into parts?


	8. never knew i could feel like this pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the confrontation, part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i should really be doing physiotherapy right now but i'm just writing more fanfiction...
> 
> title and chapter lyrics from come what may, what they skated to in pyeongchang!

**December 2006**

_And there’s no mountain to high  
_ _No river to wide  
_ _Sing out this song and I’ll be there by your side_

“More power! More connection! Look at each other!” Marina screamed to them from across the rink.

They were halfway through their Valse Trieste programme, before losing so much energy in the routine that they eventually stopped and skated back to the boards. 

“This routine is about love! It is about the passion that you feel and it so strong you cannot move you cannot breath!” Marina said, words coated in a thick Russian accent. “So much love you cannot live with no each other but you have to.”

Scott took a sip of water and looked over at Tessa. She hasn’t properly looked him in the eyes for ages, and he can feel how she’s changed around him. Instead of waiting for him between their shared classes she now runs off muttering an excuse about seeing a teacher or going to the bathroom. He can feel how when she touches him now it’s because it’s a necessity in the dance, and not in the way that she did before. They skated off rhythm with each other, not being able to constantly keep each other in check or match their breathing when they skate.

“Figure it out,” Marina grabbed her bag and left the rink, evidently disappointed and frustrated with them.

Scott looked at his partner of nine years, trying desperately to recognize what was wrong. She reached for her skate guards, letting her eyes drift over his and lingering for just a moment before looking away again, barely acknowledging his presence.

“Tess?” He asked gingerly, reaching over to place a hand on her shoulder. She immediately shrugged him off, sending alarm bells to run through his body. She’d never been hesitant to let him touch her, not even when she was the most infuriated at him. 

Confusion and hurt rang through his body. What was it that he had done? He ran his mind over the course of the past few days, how they’d been comfortably settled at Holly and Mike’s, watching Casablanca, before her leaving and coming back with a distant and icy exterior. He’s seen her build barrier’s and extricate herself from her father when he’d left her family, but even then it was him who held her in his arms and let her cry it out. They’d never been so disconnected and Scott for the life of him couldn’t think of why.

“We have half an hour booked with the ring. You wanna just skate around, like old times?” He knew skating was where she was the most relaxed, either working on perfecting their programmes or just gliding around on the ice. 

“I’m really tired, Kaet’s gonna pick me up,” she finally said, voice stern and monotone.

That’s when he knew that he has really, royally, _fucked_ up. Tessa Virtue could easily skate casually with him for hours on end, dancing and flying on the ice. But she stops after only an hour and half of training? And since when does Kaetlyn drive her home? 

She puts on a dark grey Adidas jacket and walks off, perfectly tied skates in hand. He could swear that he heard a light sniffle. The entire day she’s maybe made eye contact with him twice, and it had been only when she couldn’t absolutely avoid it. Scott started to slowly take his skates off, and realized how much he’s missed his best friend after only three days of her distance. 

_Maybe Verani’s right,_ Scott thought, _I’m way too dependent on her._ He knew it wasn’t the other way around. If Scott hadn’t been in her life she would have been a prima ballerina on scholarship with the National Ballet School of Canada, and he’d still be lurking around in Ilderton, running his family’s skate shop on Sundays. 

He makes sure to take his time to tie his shoelaces impeccably as he slides them off, as if she’ll suddenly see the gesture and smile and run up to him and wrap her arms around his neck in total adoration. Finally he decides to call Suzanne. Their old skating coach, long time friend, and besides each other and their families perhaps the person who knew them the most.

“Scotty!” Suzanne’s voice rings through his phone. 

“Suzanne, it’s been way too long,” he says as they exchange pleasantries and quick life updates.

“So listen,” Scott says, putting her on speakerphone in the car (something he’d never dare to do with Tessa in the car). “Tessa’s suddenly been really distant and…” he struggled to find the right words. “Almost avoiding me.” It hurt him more than he thought it would to admit it aloud.

Suzanne acknowledged his words, indirectly pushing for more information.

“It’s like I’m a complete stranger to her, and I have no idea what happened,” he continued. “She can’t even look at me when we’re skating.”

He sighs loudly, louder than necessary, feeling a heavy weight on his chest. He wracked his brain about this that cause their dynamic to change, his knuckles whitening on the steering wheel.

“I think this is something that we need to talk about with Tessa,” Suzanne said in a calm and steady voice. “You’re sure she still wants to compete?”

“She was fine three days ago! We’d skated near perfectly to our programme and Marina was happy, I was happy, and she was so, so happy,” he recounts seeing the way her eyes glittered brightly with joy as they nailed their twizzles and lifts, knowing they’d be ready for worlds. He rubbed his eyes and bit his lip.

“Why don’t I call with the both of you tonight? I’ll give you guys some simple trust exercises like before and see how everything works out. There’s no need in panicking if there might not be anything to panic about, she could just be stressed.”

Immediately Scott braked the car and made a u-turn, making his way over to Tessa’s. He ended the call with Suzanne promising to call back in a few minutes, and texted her.

_Hey T, can I come over to talk?_

Her response came a few minutes later.

_Busy. Sorry, homework._

_I’ve got Suzanne on the phone._

_Okay._

He took her ‘okay’ to mean it was fine to go over, and in five minutes he was knocking on the front door and being led to the (once-again) empty living room. He suspected everyone in the Hudson family would be out this Friday night.

“Can we make this quick? I’ve got a lot of work to do,” she said coldly, sitting neatly on the edge of the sofa.

He pressed call and Suzanne picked up on the first ring.

“Suzanne!” Tessa exclaimed. Scott noted her sincerity when greeting Suzanne.

“Hello, love!” Suzanne responded, and they could hear the smile in her voice. Tessa thought that people always judged her and that she was socially awkward, but Scott secretly knew that everyone loved her a lot more than him.

“So I hear you guys are having some trouble connection,” she said. That’s a way to put it. He noticed Tessa shifting and beginning to pick at her nails.

“Just really stressed and all,” Tessa said tersely. 

“Well I know I’m not your coach anymore, but I’d like to give you guys some homework,” Suzanne said. “I’d like you guys to just spend tonight talking honestly. Name three things each of you don’t like about each other, and three that you like about each other. Put on a movie, tell each other stories that you haven’t told each other, and things that you’d like to say. In that order.”

Scott looked over at Tessa, who was biting her bottom lip and sitting with unease.

“Listen guys, I’ve gotta go, but work on that now, alright? Call me back soon,” Suzanne said, and Scott bid her farewell before she ended the call.

The two of them paused, and this time instead of sitting in comparable silence the air felt dense and hot around them. Scott finally broken the silence.

“I’ll start with three things I love about you,” he said gently.

“No,” Tessa said making his heart jump. “She said to go in order. Start with three things that you don’t like about me.”

Her response actually made him feel more relieved, knowing that she was still willing to work on their partnership meant that she wasn’t giving up on skating entirely.

“Okay,” he said, shifting on the couch to face her. “Well, you totally underestimate yourself all the time and to be honest sometimes it makes me feel pretty shit about my pathetic life. You’re afraid to show off your talents, which is ridiculous, because you have so much talent. And you build up walls around you when something goes wrong, shutting the world away.”

Tessa nodded, processing the information. She turned to face him, hugging her Adidas jacket closer towards her.

“You get really angry and let your emotions run wild, and you don’t really keep track of what comes out of your mouth very well,” she said pausing.  
  
Finally for the first time in 72 hours, she raised her head to stare right at him (or through him), her green eyes trained on his. The pure, raw emotion he saw on her face startled him a bit. But what it exactly was, he didn’t know.

“And you told people you skated with me because I’d have sex with you.”

 

_Storm clouds may gather  
_ _And stars may collide  
_ _But I love you until the end of time_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter (part 2) coming soon....
> 
> I reaaaally appreciate all the comments guys! i'm so glad to know that there are some people out there who actually enjoy this :)


	9. never knew i could feel like this pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tessas a STRONG ASS WOMAN!!
> 
> sorry it took a little longer to get this chapter out, its kind of a doozy! 
> 
> chapter and song references from come what may, their iconic pyeongchang gold medal skate.
> 
> please enjoy :)

**December 2006**

_Never knew I could feel like this  
Like I’ve never seen the sky before_

 

Finally for the first time in 72 hours, she raised her head to stare right at him (or through him), her green eyes trained on his. The pure, raw emotion he saw on her face startled him a bit. But what it exactly was, he didn’t know.

“And you told people you skated with me because I’d have sex with you.”

Tessa knew that she wouldn’t look away. She thought before that she would be bursting in tears, choking through her sobs trying to get out the right words when finally confronting him, but she kept her breath steady and focused on looking into his eyes. It was terrible, but she wanted him to look at her and how he broke her heart. All of her tears had already been cried out in the comforts of the private downstairs bathroom a few doors over, three nights ago. 

It was strangely silent yet ear-piercingly loud at the same time. Every breath they took, their heartbeats which seemed to have synced up automatically, had been amplified and filled the air around them. Thinking of their sessions with their psych trainer, she focused on holding her breath steady, controlling the familiar nerves that bubbled inside of her like they did before stepping on ice in a competition.

Looking straight at Scott, she could tell that he was frantically trying to search for the right words to say. He hadn’t moved from his position, his brown eyes becoming glassy with a layer oftears. She knew that he felt terrible, and perhaps the look on his face along was enough for her to forgive him, but not tonight. Finally it was her who broke the silence.

“Well I think we’re done for today,” she said, breaking contact with Scott and getting up from the sofa.

If Suzanne were here, she would slap the two of them for their lack of communication and force them to talk to each other so that they knew everything they were both thinking. But Suzanne wasn’t here, and frankly Tessa couldn’t stand being in the same room with him and his puppy dog eyes any longer.

He didn’t stop her, and she ran up to the guest room and tucked herself in the blankets and curled her knees to her chest, trying to warm up her body. She let herself think about Scott, her best friend and partner. How he’d rest his hand on her waist as they walked down the halls of school pulling her into him, and his goofy smile as he told a terrible joke. She thought about how he was always radiating confidence, and how much better it would feel to be wrapped in his arms for warmth then bringing an extra jacket . 

And finally she resented herself for letting him matter so much to her, and hated that her last thought as she drifted to sleep was of him.

_I want to vanish inside your kiss  
Everyday I’m loving you more and more_

* * *

**November 2004**

Tessa could feel Scotts pulse in her hand, slightly sweaty and warm. They’d just finished a particularly difficult practice, struggling to work through their new choreography that Marina had given them. Her hair was falling out of her bun, and she could feel her skin was hot. But it was surprisingly comforting to have her hand in Scott’s, and just skating the perimeter of the ring, pushing forward on their skates. They were in perfect harmony, balancing with each other and gliding on the ice, feeling the cold air brush comfortably against her skin.

They knew Marina wanted them to be going over the new footwork and continuing to practice, and Tessa’s stomach twisted into a knot knowing that they were instead just skating around, but she felt extremely calm in the moment. He pressed his lips to her cheek quick and soft. She could feel his eyes on her and looked up to meet them. 

They were piercingly brown, and from the soft look on his face she could tell exactly what he was saying. She could even hear his voice in her head.

_It’s gonna be okay, kiddo._

That night they called Suzanne, seeking comfort from the rink in Michigan. They’d immediately felt better hearing the voice of their ex-trainer who always knew exactly what to say to keep them motivated.

“You know, Marnie McBean always talks about filling your jar of rice,” she said, her voice warm and soft. “Every good think you do, you add rice to the jar, and sometimes when you have bad days, you’re not necessarily taking rice out but you’re not adding any… but you still have the bowl of rice.”

He draped his arm across Tessa’s shoulders and pulled her into him. It seemed to make everything better, just being held in his warm embrace. They stayed there for the next few hours, sitting on the rubber floor leaning against the back of the skating boards. She set her head against his shoulder, breathing in his scent. It was so light and smelled so familiar. Snuggling even closer he reaching his arm over to toy with a piece of her hair,

They were silent, but only because words weren’t necessary, and words could neither correctly express their feelings or do them justice. It was more than enough just being next to each other, being totally and utterly silent.

* * *

Tessa woke up at 5:57AM, three minutes before her alarm was set to go off. She groaned knowing in an hour she’d be driven to the rink for practice. Turning to have her face pressed onto the pillow, she shut her eyes for another blissful 180 seconds. When she finally crawled out of bed she put on her Adidas jacket straight over her sports bra and brushed her teeth, heading out the door and into the backseat of Molly’s car to be driven to practice.

In the back of her mind she suddenly wondered if Scott would be turning up today. It wasn’t a mandatory practice session with Marina or Igor, just a session that they took the time to squeeze in every Saturday morning to practice.

But surely enough he was there on the ice before she was, going over one of their sequences. It unsettled her slightly that she arrived later then him. She laced up her own white leather skates and stepped onto the ice, feeling the comforting cold air on her skin once again. She caught up with Scott and instinctively took his hand. From up close he looked less graceful and more of a wreck, rings under his eyes and unruly hair (it always seemed to be a certain level of messy, but had an even wilder side to it today). She gritted her teeth and pushed forwards, keeping her eyes focused forwards. Today was going to be a training session, purely training.

There was a tension that wasn’t there before, and Tessa could feel how it weighted down the air around them, burning hot and tight. Silently they moved on to working on their footwork and side-by-side twizzles, and she could feel the hesitation in each of his steps. It felt weird for her to see how he faltered in his steps, dropping a beat behind her. Most of all he seemed to wince at every touch, and she could swear that his hands were shaking as he set them on her hips or her waist. Tessa rolled her eyes and clenched her fists together, sharpening her movements trying to hurry him up. He slipped on the last part of their swizzle segment and almost fell on the ice.

“Whats your problem?” Tessa said too harshly. The few people that were gathering around the rink turned their heads at them, silently eavesdropping into their conversation. Scott bit his lip and ran a hand through his hair. 

“Scott, focus,” She said quieter this time, enunciating each letter. “Stop messing up.”

Scott cringed. “Tess, I—“

“No,” She interrupted sharply. “You can’t keep making excuses Scott it doesn’t work like that.”

She skated off again, expecting him to follow into the first big lift of their programme. She pushed for more speed, expecting his hands to grip her waist firmly and lift her into their rotation. But all she felt was a barren chill that encapsulated her body.

Skidding to a halt she looked back and saw that Scott had left her where she was, and seemed to be muddled deep in thought and paying no attention to her or their programme. Bubbling with anger she pushed towards him and scraped the blade of her skate on the ice, stopping just a few centimetres away from him and flinging ice onto his pants. She knows that he could tell her anger was fuming inside of her by the way he clenched his fist and avoided eye contact. With her hands on her hips she looked straight into his, daring him to flick his eyes up, and waited for him to speak.

“I don’t get it,” he said softly, still breaking gaze. “How are you not more mad at me how are you even still here I can’t even bear to look at myself or be around me how the fuck are you doing it, T.” He spoke in one long phrase without pausing.

Tessa sighed, and lowered her voice to match his, knowing that people were definitely trying to tune in to their conversation now. “Well you gotta, Scott, because we have Worlds in a few weeks and I’m not letting you throw away everything we’ve worked for.”

From the corner of her eye she saw Meryl and Charlie stepping on the ice, no doubt preparing their programmes for the same competition they would be at a few weeks from now in Tokyo.

“So that you means you need to stop sulking around, start skating, and growing up,” Tessa knew she was being harsh, possibly too harsh. But she also knew that there was only a very small part of her that cared enough to stop talking. “And that means no more getting distracted and focusing on other skaters, and you have to touch me.”

“I can’t, Tess I—“

“What do you mean you can’t, Scott,” she said sternly, cutting him off.

“Because I’m too damn in love with you, okay?!” He finally looked up at her, a layer of tears over his eyes. 

The whole rink has definitely heard him. She knew Meryl and Charlie were no doubt watching intently, and the rest of their competitors would be snickering on the side, whispering about them. Feeling her whole body buzz with a dull ache, she turned away from him, skating quickly towards the stands. She skated abruptly past Meryl and Charlie and past Fedor who no doubt wore a smirk on his face, and quickly popped her skate guards on before running back to the girls bathroom.

Behind her someone called her name, but she wasn’t sure who it was and whether or not it just in her head. There was an unmistakeable ring in her head, and she reached up to feel a hot tear trickling down her cheek. Her heart was beating like she’d just finished running a marathon, and she could taste a salty tang of blood in her mouth, most likely from biting her bottom lip.

She banged her fists on the wall of the bathroom, cursing at herself for so carelessly letting her words run wild at him on the ice. She should’ve known better than to speak to him like she did in the way that she did after what had happened. Words never could express her feelings correctly or really do justice to the perfect chaos of their relationship.

 

 _Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings_  
Telling me to give you everything  
Seasons may change, winter to spring  
But I love you until the end of time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slowly making my chapters longer and longer...
> 
> next one coming either tomorrow or the day after!


	10. i can't hide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title/lyrics from the song 'i want to hold your hand' that they skated to for a gala and it was so beautiful and i cried when i watched it and i really love tessa and scott okay enjoy the chapter thanks loves <3

**CHAPTER TEN**

_Yeah I tell you somethin’_  
_I think you’ll understand_  
_When I saw that somethin’_  
_I want to hold your hand_

**December 2006**

He decided he was going to pretend like she didn’t just skate away from him. He’s going to pretend that he didn’t just say that he loved her in front of a dozen of their fellow skaters and competitors. He’s going to pretend that he isn’t currently skating furious ten-metre circles around the ice trying to figure out what to do.

“Scott.” From behind him he heard Charlie, keeping a few metres distance from him and his circles.

“Don’t feel like talking,” he muttered.

It was wrong of him to be so dismissive, he knew, especially when him and Charlie were friends. They didn’t go to the same school on a daily basis but they had always kept things friendly between them, as opposed to Tessa and Meryl’s seemingly passive-aggressive relationship. 

“You gotta talk to her,” he said softly before skating back towards his partner.

Making sure to avoid all the glances being thrown at him (dodging a particularly fierce one from Fedor) he skated to the boards and put his skate guards on. The world seem to be echoing around him as he walked down the hall, hoping to meet her outside the girls locker room. But as he went down the grim white and blue halls he heard a soft sniffle from the girls bathroom and receded back to the grey door. 

Indeed it was definitely the sniffles of his Tessa, and he winced strongly at the sound.

“Tess?” He rapped gently on the door. “Are you in there?”

It suddenly became quiet as Scott pressed his forehead against the door.

“Tess please,” he closed his eyes. “I’m sorry I’m so, so sorry.”

No response.

“Please can we just talk?  
  
“Tess…” he sighed.

Suddenly he heard the clicking of the lock and took a step back. In his head he urgently thought of the scenario in which it wasn’t Tessa that he was talking too and began to think of apologies to the stranger he’d just intruded on. But it was empty, and just a pale arm outreached to turn the handle. She sat against the wall of the small bathroom, and had shifted her body just enough to open the door for him. From up close he could tell her eyes were a bit redder than usual and could even swore he saw a dash of red on her lips.

“T—“

“I’m letting you in because it’s not fair for everyone if we throw away what we’ve got,” she interrupted, pulling on a steady voice that Scott recognized as her interview voice. “Not because I forgive you.”

Scott sucked in his cheeks as she allowed him to take a step forward into the one stall restroom.

“I know,” he said, turning towards her as he carefully shut the door and locked it again.

She was hugging her knees to her chest, watching him. It dawned on him that she was waiting for him to speak now, and that he really didn’t know what he could say at this point. All the possibilities of how to start this conversation had been running miles and miles in his brain over the past twelve hours, but it seems that they have all fell out of his mind.

“Scott?” She finally snapped him back into consciousness. He was sure that this was perhaps the most humiliated he’s every been in his life, standing in front of the girl he cared about more than anything, not able to find the words to express how sorry he was.

“Tess,” he started. “I am so fucking sorry.” He slid down the door to sit across from her, bringing his knees up as well. They were about half a metre away from each other but the distance couldn’t have felt larger. “What you heard about what I said—it’s, it’s true. But I really didn’t mean it and I was drunk, and the guys were getting on my nerves, and—“ he paused, running a hand through his hair and biting his bottom lip. “God I know that’s not an excuse. Ugh. I just—I really wouldn’t blame you if you hated me forever.”

He paused, and saw that she had tilted her head to the side facing her profile to him. _God, is she crying?_ Scott thought that the entire world could hear his heart beating faster and faster in bathroom that was far too small and far too silent. Panicking slightly, he continued to ramble on.

“And I really, really care about you and I would never want to hurt you—ever—and you’re, like, the most important person in the world to me, T.” She shuffled across from him a bit. “And seriously I can’t imagine the world without you, you’re just so nice and smart and good, and—God I really fucked up.” Scott sighed.

There was now one definitive tear that was currently rolling down her cheek that Scott could see, despite her head being tilted down, no doubt trying to mask them. A thick, weighted feeling coursed through his body and he thinks that maybe a bit of his heart had just been ripped away and stomped on.

“You know you’re amazing, right? And that I totally don’t deserve you?” He said softer, kicking her skate lightly with his. Scott felt like he was reduced back to nine years old, as if he weren’t already double that age. Tessa sniffled quietly, which made him feel even more completely and utterly disgusted with himself. 

“And I’ll do anything to make it up to you. I don’t give a fuck about Andrew, or Kyle, or Patrick, or anyone I just—“ his vision blurred for a moment. “I just really, really very much love you, Tess.” She stirred slightly as he said that last part.

“I mean, no it’s not that I would be _in_ love with you—not that I wouldn’t be, of course—but I really love you in the other way,” he stammered profusely. “And of course it’s not like no one would ever be _in_ love with you because you’re like, you know, awesome and all. But I don’t want to have sex with you.” He paused. “NOT THAT I DON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.” Her lack of response made him ramble and lose the last shred of confidence that he was fiercely hanging on to, and he aggressively cringed. So aggressively that every ounce of his body was tensely set in a cringe that would last for the next ten years.

“Fuck, Tess this is where you’re supposed to yell at me and tell me that I’m a dumb fucking shit,” he propped his elbows on his knees and leaned into his hands so that he was looking downwards. Tessa was still teasing at a piece of her hair absentmindedly.

“Here,” he said, suddenly standing up. “I’ll be right back.”

He quickly stepped out of the restroom and shut the door hoping silently that she wouldn’t lock it and would let him back in. Striding quickly down the halls he wiped a tear from his eyes before it could fall and sniffled quietly. There wasn’t anyone in the halls or in the boys change room, everyone was definitely on the ice by now. The locker room smelled of sweat and feet, though he was more than used to it.

He spun the combination on the lock and opened his locker (he and Tess got full lengthed lockers with three shelves inside after winning junior worlds a few months back). There was a tin bucket about the size of a large flower pot that fit comfortably with some candy wrappers, old laces, and his extra skates that were now far too small for him. Making sure not to spill the contents he took it out, slammed his locker shut, and went back to the restroom.

Gently he knocked on the door and was glad to find that she did indeed leave it unlocked. He sat back down in front of her and set the bucket of uncooked white rice in front of her.

“Do you remember what Susannah said about Marnie McBean?” She was eyeing the rice now, eyebrows furrowed slightly. “She talks about filling your jar of rice, right, and so every good thing that you do you add more rice to the bucket. And sometimes when you have bad days, you’re not necessarily taking rice out but you’re not adding any… but you still have the bowl of rice.”

He could see a smile tugging on Tessa’s lips now.

“Look at how much rice we have, kiddo,” he smiled, adapting a goofy voice. “We have so much training and crap and whatever behind us but we know that we’re ready.”

Scott could hear her chuckle softly despite her efforts to conceal her amusement.

“You,” she started quietly. “Are such a nerd.” Her voice was soft and sweet, and as she looked up to meet his eyes he saw that they were a bit red, but still simmering green as always. They looked at each other, not moving and totally silent. But it was more than enough, and it was how they were able to communicate without using words.

_Words could never do Tessa Virtue justice,_ Scott thought. 

“I really am very sorry, you know,” Scott said as Tessa flicked her eyes away and nodded subtly. “And you’re my best friend, T. First and foremost. Whatever feelings or shit I can disregard I just—I need my best friend.”

Tessa wiped away a tear with the sleeve of her jacket.

“I know,” Tessa said, reaching to play with a handful of rice. 

“And I know it’ll take some time for you to trust me again, and I totally get that. I was a total ass.”

“Yeah, you were,” Tessa shifted her position slightly and scooted towards him. “But you know I’d always trust you with my life, Scott.”

He smiled as she tucked herself under his arm to lean her head against his shoulder. He caught a whiff of her strawberry scented hair as he pulled her in.

“And you know Danny had a talk with me like, years ago when we first got here and he said that if I were to ever lay a finger on you off the ice or hurt you in any way that they’d drive down from Ilderton and kick my ass,” Scott said as Tessa giggled.

“Maybe I should call them over,” she said jokingly, elbowing Scott on the side.

“Please, please don’t,” Scott said, half-joking half-serious. 

“I can’t believe you got me a bucket of rice.”

“Too cringey?”

Tessa looked up at him with an expression so soft he thought he may just collapse into a puddle right then and there.

“No,” she said. “It was perfect.”

She reached for his hand, lacing her fingers through his. It was just like it was years ago when his life changed the day that a very pretty little girl took his hand and they started skating around the perimeter of the rink together. She was so pale it made her eyes seem even greener and brighter than possible and her hands were always cold. He smiled at the memory, wishing that he never needed to let go, wishing that he could always be there to hold her hand and warm her up. 

He kissed her head and they stayed there in silence, on the floor of the one stall girls restroom.

 

 _And when I touch you, I feel happy inside_  
_It's such a feeling that my love_  
_I can't hide_  
  
_Yeah, you got that something_  
_I think you'll understand_  
_When I feel that something_  
_I wanna hold your hand_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case you didn't know, marnie mcbean is a canadian three time gold medalist rower who t/s actually met a few times before sochi! she's a really cool lady.
> 
> fun fact: the rice thing is actually true, i mean scott might not've given it to her as an apology, but it is something that marnie mcbean always says to do. tessa says that the bucket of rice scott got her was the best gift that she's ever received.


	11. a fool to love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title/lyrics from "Main Girl" by Charlotte Cardin. They never skated to this but Tessa posted a video of her dancing to this with sam (their choreographer) and its beeaaauutiful

**December 2006**

_Don’t leave me hangin’ on,_  
you misunderstood me all along  
All risk and no gain,  
and I’m a fool to love the pain.

They’d agreed to go out and see a movie instead of practicing like they probably should be. It took surprisingly little convincing to persuade Tessa to go out with him, and now here he was at the front desk of Arctic Edge, waiting for her to finish showering and changing so they could drive out. He then heard a clutter of footsteps and chatter. It was a little after eleven, and the skaters were all heading out to grab lunch.

“Scott! Are you coming to lunch with us?” Andrew had his arm swung around Kaetlyn’s shoulder.

“I’m waiting for Tessa,” he said, turning towards Kaetlyn and Meryl. “Did you guys see her?”

“Wow, she actually agreed to go to lunch with you?” Meryl snickered as Charlie elbowed her in the side. “What? I wouldn’t have gone with you if you had embarrassed me like that.”

Scott felt his cheeks turn pink as the four of them talked. He had to remind himself that all they knew was that he had shamelessly professed his love for Tessa on ice after a heated practice session, and not about what he had said before at Meryl’s party. Except Kaetlyn, and judging by the confused looks she shot at him she definitely knew there was more to the story.

“She was in the shower but didn’t say anything other than she was going to be meeting you for lunch and missing practice later,” Meryl said to him. 

“Wait, what did Scott say to Tessa?” Andrew asked. So apparently he wasn’t on the ice in the morning. Thank God some people still didn’t know.

“You didn’t hear? They were having some kind of argument before Scott screamed out that he was in love with Tessa,” Meryl said with an amused tone in her voice.

“HE WHAT?” Andrew gasped.

“Mer, you’re exaggerating it wasn’t that bad,” Charlie said to Andrew.

“I’m giving Andrew all the details since he couldn’t drag his ass onto the ice early enough like the rest of us.”

“Woah. How many people heard?” Andrew asked.

“Like all of Ohio,” Kaetlyn chirped in. “I wasn’t even on the ice and I heard him from across the rink by the boards.”

“I think it was mainly just us and a few other random people though, no one else,” Meryl took her hair down and started messily tousling with it.

“Yeah, I wonder how many people know that Scott loves Tessa,” Charlie said.

“Okay I think everyone in the world knows that Tessa and Scott are in love with each other,” Andrew said snidely.

“Correction,” Kaetlyn said. “The only people that don’t know that Tessa and Scott are in love with each other are Tessa and Scott.”

Scott could feel his ears reddening as his friends spoke, all of which have have seemed to forget his presence. Running a hand through his hair he cleared his throat in attempt to stop their conversing.

“Anyways, thank you very much for not telling everyone,” he said sarcastically to Meryl. “But for your information she has indeed forgiven me and we are going to lunch, end of story.”

“Wait what?” Kaetlyn exclaimed, turning her head sharply. So she definitely knew about the party. Shooting daggers at him with her eyes, she effortlessly slid from Andrew’s arm and pulled him to the side.

Scott followed reluctantly as the others stared in bewilderment at the interaction happening in front of them.

“She _forgave_ you?” Kaetlyn said to him once they were out of earshot.

“Shit. You know,” Scott felt the familiar weight drop back down onto his shoulder.

“Well duh,” Kaetlyn rolled her eyes. “She tells me everything. And you’re a asshole.”

“I know.”

“Like what the fuck, it’s fucking Tessa.”

“I know.”

“And you _way_ crossed the line.”

So this was the reprimanding that he expected he was going to get. From a very small but very dramatic girl in a My Little Pony sweatshirt. 

“I know Kaet, I’m a dick and I don’t know how I’m ever gonna make it up to her,” he said. “But I don’t know, she seems to not hate my guts too much right now, and I’m going to start by buying her chocolate and showering her with love and attention.”

“You know, just because she isn’t mad at you doesn’t mean that I’m not mad at you,” Kaetlyn crossed her arms and squinted her eyes at him. 

He somehow felt a bit uncomfortable at how defensive Kaetlyn was of Tessa, like he’d just been fired from a job and replaced. 

“I’ll bring you coffee on Saturday practices.”

Kaetlyn’s eyes shot open, and he knew that he had her.

“I want coffee on mornings before school too for all of next week,” she bargained with a sharp tone of voice.

“Kaet I don’t have time in the mornings to—“

“Lies. I know you bring Tessa a non-fat skim milk soy hot-chocolate in the mornings,” Kaetlyn saw right through his lie before he even finished it. “Every. Single. Morning”

Scott paused, but the small girl didn’t break at all. “Fine.”

She suddenly perked up and smiled at him, before walking back to the group with a small bounce in her step. They quickly waved at him before leaving for lunch, and he leaned against the wall, going through the choreography of their free dance in his head.

Finally he saw Tessa pop out of the dressing room, hair in a wet bun, wrapping herself tightly in her black Adidas jacket. She smiled at him and they walked together towards his car.

“You okay?” He asked, noticing that she was paler than usual.

“Yeah,” she looked at him with a blank expression. He threw a glance at her, and she smiled assuringly back at him. “Just a bit cold, is all.”

He put an arm around her and squeezed gently before getting in the car. He knew not to open the door for her, as in her own words she didn’t ‘conform to stereotypical norms of gentlemanly behaviour assuming that women are incapable of opening a door by themselves.’

“What do you wanna eat?” He asked, plugging in his phone to the AUX to play their compulsory and free dance music.

“I’m not that hungry, to be honest, so wherever you want to go.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

They stopped and looked at each other.

“Do you want to just go watch a movie, then?”

“If you don’t want to eat,” Tessa shrugged.

“Nah, let’s go watch something,” Scott said, pulling out of the driveway. He could could see out of his peripheral that Tessa was smiling.

They went back to Tessa’s house, settling in their usual spot on the couch. Tessa was adamant about watching some cheesy movie and quickly popped the DVD in and. The movie began with some flowery music that quickly made Scott recount every single romantic comedy that Tessa has made him watch throughout the years and knew that this would be another one to add to the list.

Scott nudged her. “This is a romcom, isn’t it.” 

“Don’t pretend like you don’t love them, Scott. I know you secretly love romantic comedies.”

He rolled his eyes at her before realizing that she couldn’t actually see him in the dark. Halfway through the movie he felt Tessa shift, leaning over to rest her head on his shoulder. He took her hand in his and lazily traced circles on her palm. After a while he could feel her dozing off slowly, and he made a mental note to not be a dick a tease her about being tired when they haven’t had a practice session today.

_I’m the call at one, that you wanna visit_  
I’m a call for some kinda like an exit to your main girl  
To your main girl, to your main girl.

* * *

_Now I’m just a pretty face, who can help you_  
Just a pretty face, who can help you  
Get your shit together at your own pace.

The next day he was at the rink at seven AM on the dot, and Tessa shifted on the bench to make room for him. They laced up in silence, both worn our from this past week. He took his skate guards off and put a palm out for her to hold, and she gave him a small smile before taking it and pulling him onto the ice. There was a subtle glint in her eyes that told Scott she wasn’t getting enough sleep.

“You okay kiddo?” He asked as they skated around the ring. There was only the unlucky junior pair on the ice, who had the unlucky five AM practice time. 

Tessa pushed forwards, hand cold in Scotts but firm and steady at the same time. “Yeah, just a bit tired.”

Scott furrowed his eyebrows slightly but it went unacknowledged as they continued to skate in amicable silence until Marina came.

“Tessa, Scott,” Her voice rang through the ring. “Go work on compulsory, I play music.”

They skated to the centre of the ring, taking their starting positions, before the first few beats of the tango they were working on rang through the stadium. Scott decided it was one of his favourite compulsory dances, filled with twizzles and step sequences that emphasized all of their strengths. It was the first time they properly skated together since their fight, and he hoped that Marina couldn’t sense the faint hesitation in her steps like he could.

But of course, she did, and the music stopped before they reached their third big lift.

“You need more practice in connection, this is tango!” Marina’s words were coated in her thick Russian accent. They skated over to meet her by the boards. “You no connect enough.” Scott ran a hand through his hair and looked over at Tessa, who was strongly averting his gaze. 

“Scott,” he looked back at Marina, jumping slightly, trying to anticipate whats to come. “You put your hands more on Tessa’s waist. She is not girl anymore she is woman and woman is brought out more in tango.”

Scott cringed and looked down, trying to hide his very apparently uncomfortable expression. Suddenly Marina flipped her phone open and quickly began speaking to someone on the other side in a flow of fluent Russian. By the tone in which she was talking they knew the person on the other side was Igor.

He looked over at Tessa, who shrugged at him, letting her brown hair down from it’s pony tail to fall over her shoulders. She reached over the boards to take a sip of water from his water bottle, bending her knees back and forth. 

“You go off ice today,” Marina said sharply. “Romaine is coming in ten minutes he help you with tango.”

Romaine was the ballroom dance coach that Marina worked with and brought in to Arctic Edge often. Scott and Tessa reluctantly exited the rink and put their skate guards on, sitting back down to take their skates off as Marina stepped to the side to make another call. He made sure to tie his laces up nice and neatly just like she did, mimicking the way her fingers did a double knotted bow and looped it under the other laces.

“And Tessa,” Marina said, pointing at her. “Off.”

She was gesturing downwards to the baggy grey U of T sweatshirt Tessa was wearing as they stood up to follow her. Walking down the hall she reluctantly pulled it off to expose a tight black leotard and tied it around her waist. He gave her a puzzled look as she bit on her lower lip again, flipping her wavy long hair forwards.

“I’m cold,” She said, wrapping her arms around her.

Scott grinned and dropped a step behind her so he was standing directly behind her and rubbed his hands up and down her bare arms, warming her up. He could feel her chuckling as they entered the small dance room, lined with mirrors and bars on all sides. Romaine was already in the corner of the room, playing their tango music on the stereo and bobbing his head in time to the music. He finally paused to exchange a few words in Russian to Marina and a kiss on the cheek before turning towards them. Marina squeezed his arm quickly before taking Romaine’s spot in the corner and pulling out her notebook.

Romaine had them run through the routine over and over, stopping in places to correct their technique and fix their positions. More than once he moved Scotts hand farther down on Tessa’s waist or farther up on her leg, leaving a burning sensation wherever he touched. He then guided Tessa’s hand up Scott’s chest, tracing his collarbone before reaching up into his hair.

“The tango is romantic, sensual,” he said to them as the music played again. “Convince me that you’re in love, that your passion for each other is bigger than the world itself!”

He hoped that Tessa didn’t see him cringe slightly as he said this to them, and he did his best to avoid her eyes as she proceeded to wrap her legs around his waist, marking what would be their first big lift of the program. After two hours they were sweaty and panting, muscles already beginning to ache from the intense session that Romaine put them through. Scott had now taken his jacket off and was in just a black t-shirt, feeling the warmth vibrate and flow through the small and stuffy room. Tessa gave him a look filled with fatigue, and he could tell that her muscles were just as sore as his from her slow and languish movements. But as they got ready to leave Marina gave them a quick, satisfied nod that made Scott brim with pride.

They retreated back down the hallway to their locker rooms as Tessa pulled on her sweatshirt again.

“You still cold, T?” He joked, nudging her in the side. He expected one of her smart remarks tossed back at him or maybe that sheepish grin of hers she did when he said something dumb, but she kept her head down and simply strode forwards. He waited a few moments, contemplating whether or not he should break the silence.

“Are you still mad at me?” The words poured out of his mouth impulsively. She stopped abruptlyin her tracks. “Because, I’d understand if you were.” Scott shuffled his feet a bit as she slowly turned to face him. He was tall enough for her to need to arch her head up to look at him, but he felt maybe two inches tall.

“Just,” he paused, trying to figure out what to say. “Let’s talk about it. Or I’ll do whatever you want. Your hot chocolate every morning, I’ll cook you dinner, whatever you want.”

She still averted his gaze, and Scott took a small step towards her.

“Please, T, just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll fix it. I’ll be a better person for you.”

It felt like the air was closing in tight on them.

“Tess?”

_Don’t leave me hangin’ on,_  
_you misunderstood me all along_  
 _a fool to love you, a fool to love you_  
 _I’m a fool to love the pain._

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter moved a little slower, but the next ones are more jam packed!! This series is going to be ending soon, and I'm doing a follow up of this first part which is their 2007-9 season.
> 
> Comments make me smile :) <3


	12. the show must go on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title/lyrics from "the show must go on" from the original Moulin Rouge! sound track. t/s skated to the first part of this song during pyeongchang <3

**December 2006**

_Another hero_  
_Another mindless crime_  
 _Behind the curtain_  
 _In the pantomime_

“Please, T, just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll fix it. I’ll be a better person for you.”

“Tess?”

It pained her, to hear how softly he said her name. She recognized that tone, the delicate way he spoke when training was unbearable and they were missing home like crazy, or when he was trying to convince her that she didn’t need to look a certain way. She knew it because it was a tone that he had strictly reserved for her.

Even though she knew inside that she was supposed to be mad at him, in this moment she could only think about how guilty he feels. When she finally looked up to meet his eyes, they were such a soft shade of brown it startled her for a moment to see how genuinely concerned and apologetic he was.

“Scott I’m not mad at you,” her voice came out as more of a whisper. She could see how tense his shoulder was, knowing he was hesitant, knowing that there was more. 

Closing her eyes, she focused on steadily breathing in and out, ignoring the palpitations in her heart and the crushing walls enclosing on her. Although she couldn’t see, she felt the room spinning around her and the burning in her eyes that defiantly spilled out and ran a trail down her cheek. Every part of her body felt like dead weight, unable to support each other and keep her standing, functioning. 

“I’m—I’m just so tired,” She could feel her legs about to give, and she shakily stumbled forwards before being caught by a pair of familiar, strong arms. 

He held her firmly against him, one hand wrapped around her back and the other across her shoulders, gently stroking her hair. She could feel his heart beat, steady against his chest. Before she acknowledged it, she was crying small sobs, getting tears on his shirt. She sank into him, letting him do his job of carrying her weight completely. 

Luckily they were in the hallways farther back near the ballroom, where people seldom walked by. Or if they did, Scott had silently ushered them away since no one has passed down this hallway yet. He let her cry into his shoulder until she stopped, and Tessa has unfortunately lost total consciousness of time already. He simply rubbed her back slightly and stroked her hair, knowing not to press for information and instead just be there to catch her before she falls.

Finally when the crying turned into long, deep breaths, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and tugged her in close, letting her drift her head downwards to avoid looks from others. They moved swiftly out of the rink and into his car without a word and buckled in.

“Do you wanna go home?” Scott asked gingerly , hands perched on the steering wheel. Tessa was facing forwards, eyes slightly red from crying.

“Yes,” she said. “But I can’t really, can I.”

He contemplated for a moment what she meant, and finally realized she was referring to London. They were supposed to return home after this weekend, but they’d agree to push the date back farther a week so they could fit in some much needed practice sessions. She sighed in the memory of hot cocoa made by her mother, board games with Jordan, and best of all snuggling up with Scott by the fire and watching Hallmark Christmas movies.

“I know, kiddo,” he said, reaching for her hand. It was always a bit cold and dry. “I do too.”

A drop of rain fell on windshield, and soon enough they were driving to Tessa’s house in a full blown rain storm. She insisted she didn’t need him to walk her out and get soaked on, and instead gave him a hug in the car and kissed him on the cheek as a thank you. His reaction was a smile so bright it chased the rain clouds away, paired with the sweetest puppy-dog eyes. At home she walked firmly past the Hudson family, claiming her fatigue as an excuse to not join them for lunch. Her world spun around her again as she ran up the stairs and to the bathroom, dry-heaving into the toilet before collapsing on the bed.

_On and on_  
Does anybody know  
What we are living for?

* * *

_Inside, my heart is breaking_  
_My makeup may be flaking_  
 _But my smile_  
 _Still stays on_

“The Olympics. My family, making sure they’re all happy,” Tessa tucked a strand of curly brown hair behind her ear. “Scott.”

Dr. Verani nodded. “Is that all?”

“I mean, school is definitely a priority for me as well, but I wouldn’t say I’ve worked as hard at it as I have with skating and with Scott.” Tessa was getting restless.

Verani let out a sigh as Tessa mindlessly fiddled with her fingers, unsure of what her therapist was insinuating. This was supposed to be counselling for her and Scott, after all, and it was ridiculous that he wasn’t even in the same building as her at the moment. They’ve sat here for over an hour, discussing her daily routine’s and priorities in life. Verani seemed to have notice the anxiousness rising in her body.

“I’m sorry, but how is this relevant?” She asked, picking away sub-consciously at her nails. “I just have a lot of work I need to do, and Scott and I have practice to go to…” She trailed off.

“Tessa, have you told Scott yet?” Dr. Verani asked tentatively.

She sucked in a breath and let her eyes wander around. She felt a small, stinging pain in her nail that told her she was picking too much off.

“I—“ Tessa started. “I don’t want him to worry, he’ll just take it way too far.” Her words came out sharp but slurred at the same time. 

Verani studied her closely, knowing that she wasn’t going to proceed. “How much do you think Scott knows right now?”

She took a sharp breath in and sucked herself deeper into the white sofa, pulling her knees up. Avoiding Verani’s gaze Tessa looked to the side and shut her eyes to keep the tears from falling. _He knows,_ she thinks. _Of course he knows._ She can see it in the extra second that his eyes linger on hers, checking to see if she’s okay. She can feel how he lets his touch fall just a second earlier than it usually does, and how he looks at her like she’s so fragile she’ll just fall to pieces at the simplest movement. And though he tries to hide it, she knows the way his face twists uncomfortably during their lifts.

A tear slowly slipped down her cheek.

“I just don’t want him to leave me,” Tessa whispered, possibly to herself, possibly to Dr. Verani, and definitely for Scott.

_Outside, the dawn is breaking_  
_On the stage_  
 _That holds our final destiny_  
 _The show must go on_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> context for the song:
> 
> t/s are twisted in a hurricane of miscommunication; scott think tessas mad at him and he hates himself for that, but tessa thinks that scott wants to ditch her for someone else. those idiots. they dont know that they are SO OBVIOUSLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER.
> 
> thank you all so much for reading... seeing kudos/comments make me so happy :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Comments make my day <3


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